“Just give him a treat every time he goes”
“No, because then he’s going to believe that he has to get a treat for things he should be doing”
“Just take 3 days of your life off, and watch him around the clock”
“mKay, you going to watch my baby, grab my groceries, pick up the slack for me at work, cook dinner?…”
“Just be patient, he will not be in diapers forever”
“How patient? Like can’t start kindergarten because he’s in diapers patient or…”
“Maybe he’s got oppositional defiance disorder”
“Yeah? Hmm, a condition with a catch all definition…maybe he does…”
“He will figure it out, he will when he’s ready, it’s going to just click”
“…, so don’t help him?”
“We have had a few strong-willed ones, this mom just had her kid do the naked thing and overnight he was potty trained”
“But what about my couches? The baby? It’s just so…”
“Seriously, just try it! Yeah, there will be accidents, but don’t worry he’ll figure it out because he’s smart”
“Okay” …
I was at my wits end.
I can’t tell you how many books, blogs, Reddit’s and articles I read, conversations I had, videos I watched. I was actually concerned because this was not a road I’d traveled before. Social media and mommy bloggers or friends, would have me believing that it wasn’t that hard or that if he wasn’t trained by 18 months (which we tried at that time too), I’d have my work cut out for me. We did, we stumbled through it, but now we are on the other side.
“Well, I started elimination communication from when mine was a baby” …” come again? You hWhat?!”
“Oh? Angela, she just needed a potty chart, and we made a game out of it, and it was so fun”, “Wow, you just loved that eh?”
My husband has two girls, so his experience was different and far removed since they’re a little older and then they’re girls. I don’t know a lot but from various people and experts in the field, they do say boys are just a little harder to potty train than girls. He still offered so much wisdom in addition and really did a lot of the heavy lifting in addition to my son’s preschool teachers, to finally get to the other side. I’ll admit, we still have some bowel challenges because it’s scary, as are all the other things that 3-year-olds become scared of…but the boy has finally gotten his urination into the potty down pat! It all boiled down to one thing…
Not Being Ready
We started trying again while I was pregnant during the summer when he was a little over 2 1/2 and I was 8 months pregnant, because he did show a little interest. I just didn’t have the capacity to do it then. Even after having the baby, between breastfeeding and eventually pumping, I was overwhelmed with it myself. Look, I realize as a parent I had to be ready too, both my husband and me. I had to be able to move swiftly if the urge was there at the beginning and do so with consistency, so he wasn’t having accidents regularly, that could actually stall his progress and became the norm, instead of the exception. That’s how our first go ’round went because we all weren’t ready. When we were ready, things made a turn for the better.
Once everyone is ready, the below things are what kept the momentum going for us.
Don’t Give Up
We ended up putting aside a weekend after the conversation we had with his preschool teachers where she mentioned that another strong-willed boy they knew had some success with the naked thing. Friday night we tried it; that whole weekend he would communicate the need to pee and would go sit on the potty. We celebrated that! I had a pull up ready to go after the first accident, but after seeing how much that held him back…the naked thing became the only thing that worked for him. Even when naked, he made a few accidents, but it started to become uncomfortable for him at a certain point.
Come Monday, we were ready to send him in his big boy underwear. We were on the same page with his preschool teachers too. My son is in preschool full time. I needed to provide 3 outfits and be ready to increase laundry! They had him sit on the potty at regular intervals throughout the day, like every hour or so. The first few days there were a few accidents because he would much rather play. But we didn’t give up.
It seemed changing his entire outfit which brought more disruption to his play than just going to the potty, made a connection for him because eventually, he’d “stop what he was doing and go to the potty to sit right down…doo do do doo do do doo, look at me sitting on the potty, it’s potty time…” love that song.
Even when we finally ventured out, there was some anxiety, but we got through it and trusted he would listen to his body. Being a boy helps, he can just pee outside pretty easily! and he did. There were a handful of accidents that happened on the go, but again, we stayed with it! We decided, if he had an accident on the go, we would put him in a pull-up. Eventually he learned to “hold it” and communicate while we out and about that he had to go! This was so much progress for him, and it took patience. In about a month he was done with the accidents while outside or on the go.
Incentives Have Their Place
His preschool teachers would give him stickers for going potty, so I had to buy the mega pack to make sure he had as many stickers as he wanted when he would go potty at home. I had to match what they were doing there for him to keep that momentum going! This is why everyone has to be ready. I also pulled out an old potty chart that I had gotten at the beginning of this journey, and to my amazement it filled up quickly! He was excited to see the stickers and show off his chart to his bio dad on FaceTime calls. It was happening, it was becoming the norm!
Staying With It
When it was time for him to go to his bio dads for the weekend, we too had to be on the same page. I gave him our method of what we’d been doing here and at preschool and hoped that we would keep up over there. He did! All the adults were supporting this journey for him and did so with consistency. This was a big win for him because we knew he was capable; it was just the timing.
The false starts happened; the bowel accidents still happen occasionally because it just seems harder for that one. From what I can tell and have heard, that’s typical. I mean, have you come downstairs to a floor terd? When I look back at how we finally got over this hump when he was adamant “I WILL NEVER USE THE POTTYYYYY!!!” Our patience, consistency when he was ready, and stickers of celebration, seemed to have been the thing that kept the momentum going.
