August 19th 2023, our Baby A, was born. Weighing in at 8lbs and 11oz, he was beautiful, just perfect. My pregnancy was mostly unremarkable, besides the weight that I put on. I gained about 34lbs this pregnancy which looking back now, I still don’t completely understand where all that weight went. I mention this because my body was not ready for that. In another post I will address the postpartum hypertension that followed. There were no health markers or issues beforehand. As a family we stayed very active, I even had a family camping trip at 34 weeks, some called me wild but it was something I needed to do for myself, my other son and the rest of the family!
Going into Labor?
Three days before Baby A made his arrival we had a date night for our anniversary and later, Nana made some delicious spaghetti and meat sauce for the family which I am certain brought on the contractions, I jokingly tell her this! Much like my first pregnancy, I was seeing midwives throughout, under the care of my ob gyn. I got to know them all well and vice versa. At my 39 week appointment, I got a membrane sweep after we saw that I was still not really making much progress. There was no rush, but my boy was measuring big per a few appointments. For me, my body was really working in overtime for this guy and I was just about over it. Then, came the 16th. I woke up in the middle of the night to strong cramps. Since I had a c-section before, I was pretty illiterate around childbirth in general, I didn’t know how to distinguish between Braxton Hicks and Contractions. What I do know is that these cramps lasted for less than a minute and came on every 10 minutes, and eventually every 5-7 minutes by the next day to which, I was ready for intervention. This lasted for 48 hours.
Help Me Please!
I called the midwives and let them know. They were confident by now they were labor pains, but given my lack of having a water break (which doesn’t always happen) or passing a mucous plug (which I did in small amounts), there were no other real signs that I was in active labor. I get to the hospital and they are waiting for me. The emotions that ran through me after two days of agonizing pain and feeling helpless…it was equivalent to the scene in the movie No Escape when they reached the Vietnam border. Finally, help is here! It was dramatic indeed for me, because despite this being my second pregnancy, it was my first labor.
After two days of pain and no sleep, they tried therapeutic sleep. That didn’t help the contractions stop, nor did I progress much further. A C-Section became the answer for me. Our son A was delivered and while there were a few complications with him not breathing right away, they went into swift action and thank God, all was well within a few more minutes.
The Joy!
Helping Hands
My close friend had a meal train for us going back at home where my stepdaughters were on their last week of summer break. Our community really came through. If there is anything you can do for a new mom, think of just being there for her other children, reducing her need to cook and so on so forth and just being available. These days, folks don’t have the same village as generations did before us. So when you get that, take it in and be so grateful, as we were. We could have been released from the hospital day 2, but we stayed the full time for various reasons.
Give Yourself Time To Rest
Once we got home, I over did it. Be kind to your bodies, ladies. I was up and moving around just fine in the hospital and did the same when I got home, but add on my stepdaughters still being in town for the summer and I was just moving around too much, very little rest. Even with an amazing postpartum Doula (Hey Jenny!) I wanted to be up and moving around tending to my home, which I missed. After 3 days, still swollen, which is normal, checked my blood pressure and I was in a hypertensive crisis though I felt fine. My husband, newborn and I all went back to the hospital for 3 more days to deal with Postpartum Preeclampsia, which I will discuss in a follow-on post.
If you are in New Hampshire, check out this Doula Service: Holistic Birth & Beyond – New Hampshire Doula Care (holisticbirthandbeyond.com) – Highly recommended and they have a ton of resources online for free!
Ultimately, this recovery itself was very similar to my first C-Section. I was trying for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean), but ultimately that wasn’t happening so I knew what to expect and was prepared. There was no greater joy than bringing my second and last child into this world. My husband and I have decided to not have any more children (4 is plenty), so in many ways this birthing experience became symbolic.
What A Difference My Husband Made!
It was so different going through this experience with someone. When I didn’t have the energy to advocate for myself, he advocated for me. When I didn’t ask enough questions, he stepped up to ask more. When I needed time to rest and not do a diaper change, he had my back. These things were so big to me in comparison to my first birth experience where I went it alone. Pretty sure our nurses fell in love with him, he showed an abundance of strength through the whole ordeal and birthing experience, and I am eternally grateful for him.
Feeling Unworthy
Throughout this experience I felt I was so not worthy for all the love and support we as a family received, but I learned something fundamental in this experience.
Love and care do not have to be transactional, “scratch my back and I scratch yours right away”.
The epitome of community was prevalent at this time and its truly just showing up and being available for when others might need you and anticipating their needs. Despite my not being a Christian anymore, the way our church family came through was beautiful. Our pastor and our friends are much like family. They showed us what giving and receiving humbly, really look like. Whoever reads this, I hope you continue to seek out community where you can. Not just any kind, but a community that will show up for you, that you love and loves you back. Despite those feelings of unworthiness, I do think that the energy we put out into the world will come back to us in various forms. This just inspired in me to keep being who I am while remaining open to life and how people show up.
Lastly, don’t ever let anyone tell you what you should do or how you should give birth. There were a few people that had an opinion on my birth, mostly my estranged mother, “have him vaginally!” she would say. This was my own hope, but it was not my fate and that is okay. Your birthing experience is your own and for various reasons. You must trust your body and intuition when you make your decision on anything you do…you never know what your body will be able to do and don’t be afraid if something goes wrong and you need intervention. I am someone typically strongly opposed to medical intervention, but both birth experiences and this postpartum one invited me to release control and find trust within the process. My first was a breeched baby, and this baby was big. I am petite and rather narrow so only God knows why my body couldn’t deliver the way I wanted it to, but a healthy happy baby was all we could ask for, and that we received.
