I’m a proud mom of two amazing girls, 10 and 10 months old. As the world opens up and we venture out as a family of three for the first time I get similar reactions when people find out I don’t have a partner; especially in regards to raising a baby. Overwhelmingly the consensus is “That must be so hard!” As a strong independent woman I cannot even remember the last time I was faced with so much pity. I’ve had friends ask me how I keep it all together and manage so well. It’s not easy, but it’s not that hard… is it? These days I just do, I never really stop to ponder how. As much as I would love to take credit, or attribute it to my organizational methods, parenting skills, or maternal instinct; it’s been a process, a process that started long before this newest addition was born.
It’s humbling to remember only four years ago I was a very different type of parent. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my kid more than anything in the world and had every good intention. I wasn’t a bad person, but I was a sad one. After my very lengthy divorce settled, I felt like I had nothing to show for my 30 years. I didn’t like my life or want it. I felt like a victim of it. The only joy I had was my daughter and she was now gone every other weekend. I had already been prescribed anti-anxiety/depression meds after my hair started falling out in chunks from stress…. I was depressed, overweight, and to top it off started drinking the weekends away when my child was at her dad’s in an attempt to numb the pain and speed up the loneliness. This pattern led to more shame and embarrassment. My drinking started to spill over into weekdays, affecting my work, my relationships, and my life was becoming unmanageable. I felt powerless to overcome it, and though I would do anything for my daughter and knew she deserved better I couldn’t seem to get it together. If you want to see what the future looks like, look at the decisions you are making today. That terrified me. I knew something had to change.
Eventually I couldn’t keep up the façade. I admitted to my family how bad my life had gotten and asked for support. I begged God to heal my compulsion to drink, and for the first time out of many attempts to quit I did. I haven’t had a drink since. That was when my life started again. I believed with God’s help I could conquer anything. I got honest with myself, my finances, started taking care of the things God had given me including my body. One victory snowballed into another, eventually I got off my meds, bought a house, lost 50lbs, quit smoking, got a business degree, got a promotion, and I guess now can add had a baby in there too.
So how do I keep it all together?
1. With a lot of help and grace from God.
2. Belief and confidence in the person he created me to be.
3. Courage to know I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
4. Staying obedient in the little things.
No matter what challenges you are facing in life (and I promise there will be challenges) from single motherhood, divorce, loss, or sickness, if your foundation and core beliefs aren’t rooted in something bigger than yourself you will get swept away every time. I’m no better than anyone else, in fact I’m probably much worse! But God still loved me and my family enough to turn this mess around, and He loves you too.
Giving my life back to Him is the only thing that has made my life manageable, and the only reason I can get through anything life throws at me today and in the days to come. It’s my prayer that he continues to do great things in my life, and every time someone asks, “How do you do that?” I can point it straight back to Him!
