Very early on in motherhood, my ex-husband and I decided to get a divorce. Along with grieving the loss of my marriage, I was also grieving the loss of my own Mother. Needless to say, this was the point in my life that I was struggling emotionally, the most. I had made some poor choices in an attempt to cope with the pain that I will forever regret. I had to seek treatment which took me away from my child. And I can never get that time back. This is my “Mom Guilt”.
For the longest time, my guilt and my shame was so bad, that I truly believed that I was a bad mother. I felt as though I had failed my son. And that I could never restore that bond that a mother and child are supposed to have. It is still something I struggle with. I used to watch other Mothers with their children whether it be in person or online and be so jealous of all the amazing things I saw them doing, that I hadn’t thought of, or that I had missed out on.
There is no such thing as a perfect mother. And even though we all strive to be perfect, even the need for perfection makes you flawed.
Maybe about 2-3 years ago, I could feel myself starting to get my stride back. I didn’t feel guilty as often, I could feel my relationship with my son getting stronger and stronger. We had started to develop “our thing”; I was starting to hear this faint voice in my head saying, “Good job, Mom”
It was then that I noticed that we as Mother’s are all good Mom’s in our own way. I realized one of my strengths was creating experiences. Unfortunately, financially I am not equipped to fly off to Disney once a year. Nor am I the Mom that gets Christmas Cards of Brian with Santa every year.
However, I am that Mom who makes Scavenger hunts with clues and riddles every Easter. I also am that Mom that will have 7 rotten kids completely take over my tiny 2 bedroom apartment for a sleepover.
And that’s the kind of Mom Brian is going to remember me by And that’s the kind of Mom I want to be remembered as. Because those were the instances in which I knew I was a “Good Mom”. I feel like we as women are so hard on ourselves, especially when it comes to being a Mother. And you know, we are supposed to worry about that to a certain extent. However, what I would encourage us Mother’s to do, is to give ourselves some credit.
It’s time we celebrate our strengths and simply try to improve on our weaknesses. And never let anyone make you feel inferior as a Mother. Because we will always be the best Mom our children got!
