Your answers to my problems…No
Your advice…No
Your transparency on your own life…Yes
Your support…Yes
There can be a dark side to blogging and sharing some pretty fundamental life lessons. People will swoop in and try to save, fix or “help” you. Thats the thing about blogging, I don’t write when I have questions…I write when I have my answers and this is not an exam with only one answer to which I am hoping for you to provide. This is my life‘s test and I am sharing my journeys answers. You might have been faced with similar experiences but as wildly different entities our solutions and path will never be identical.
When I set out to share and document this journey, I did so because I was someone looking for answers on my own terms. I realized that I found a lot of value on the web for people who were transparent enough to give me space as to not feel alone in my struggles. There are avenues for people to ask questions (therapists, online forums, comments sections, polls) that list goes on and on. I realized it was the collection of people who have been in similar situations that would help me through my own.
If I’ve needed help, I’ve been direct and asked. As time has gone on I’ve trusted my journey and learned to find my own answers. If you’re in any new life situation, that Journey could be similar. In the beginning you need help, guidance and wisdom. With practice you get better and better you become someone who can be a source, only if someone asks…to now pass on what you’ve learned.
We have to be careful about providing unsolicited advice. Thats why I have a love/hate relationship with it. It’s why I nearly stopped blogging because well meaning people would jump in thinking they had the answer for me. However I’ve opted to keep it because I realize it’s human nature to want to ”help” others. I’ll admit some people are bad about asking for help, and for the sake of not giving advice you do what your think is best for those people. I am not one of those people. I have my source, my spirit guides, my One and when this student is ready to go outside of that, she does seek.
Social media has made it the norm for us to share directly to people, what we think they need. We think we are helping when we direct DM someone, but you might be making that person feel as though they are too crippled to find their own answer. I stopped DMing directly things I think people needed in that vantage point because I trusted they would find their way. We all do in some way or another. People want to feel useful, I understand that. That gives me patience to deal. However, this had to be said because I want well meaning people to ask themselves what they are really trying to do, when they do this. That’s self inquiry and I’ve had to ask myself this too. I’ll share an excerpt from a book I didn’t love, the movie was better, but this excerpt was profound and something I know deeply.
An excerpt from The Ultimate Gift by Jim Stovall:
”Unfortunately, human beings cannot live in a vacuum forever. A bird must struggle in order to emerge from the eggshell. A well-meaning person might crack open the egg, releasing the baby bird. This person might walk away feeling as though he has done the bird a wonderful service and when, in fact, he has left the bird in a weakened condition and unable to deal with its environment. Instead of helping the bird, the person, has in fact, destroyed it. It is only a matter of time until something in the birds environment attacks it, and the bird has no ability to deal with what would otherwise be a manageable problem.”
“If we are not allowed to deal with small problems, we will be destroyed by slightly larger ones. When we come to understand this fact, we live our lives not avoiding problems, but welcoming them as challenges that will strengthen us so that we can be victorious in the future.”
That was an excerpt from The Gift of Problems, Chapter 7.
To wrap this up, not a whole lot of people understand this. Social media has made it even harder by making us keyboard therapists. I say all this to say, all is well because all is well. As I’ve deepened my spiritual practice and come to know Who I Am, I want others to do the same. Once you do, you will realize your “answers” to others (unsolicited) is really a way for your ego to feel as though you’ve done the right thing. To me, the right thing is to listen, to join them in their frustration and celebrate with them in their joy. To be an ear and a comrade instead of another judge. As we all work out our own Karma, this is something to be mindful of.
Love and Light
