This did not last, but read on to see how someone could convince themselves to give something a second chance even when they know they shouldn’t.
Original Blog Post below:
If you are someone who doesn’t believe in fate, this post isn’t for you. This post isn’t about second or third chances. This goes much deeper than that. Something not many people know about me is that I am tapped in spiritually and deal with precognition. While this might come as a surprise and be written off as quackery, let me provide the definition.
Precognition, also called prescience, future vision or future sight, is a claimed psychic ability to see events in the future.
The last time PJ and I found our way back to each other, I experienced this precognition which was confirmed when he said and did exactly what I had foreseen. Not a behavior or habit, but down to the words and the action. The universe, God, has had this planned for us and I just could never understand why, until now.
PJ my, fiancé (wow that is so nice to say!) and then homie/lover/friend, and I met in 2011 when my rent was only $780 for a one bedroom, phew “F” inflation! Any who, it was spring and while it is a very foggy memory, my favorite at that time was when we went to Burger King after a fun night out drinking and he accidentally ate my burger, most of it and we laughed it off… but he actually felt bad, I mean the look in his eyes was priceless. Back then, this 26-year-old tall, tan and handsome man had been as genuine a soul as he is today. I was about 23 years old and had only been in New England for 2 years after moving away from Southern California. Something about him drew me to him and we became friends. He had a swag, worked hard, was handy and was always there for me. We partied together, hung out a lot, went on epic adventures and by the summer of 2014 he professed that he loved me, I said it back days later. I will never forget that day and that was when we had first become official. During that time, I was really settling into New England and all it had to offer. Though our connection was blooming I was not ready for him. He was textbook romantic and for a woman who had no idea what that looked like it came off cheesy. Yes, for the longest time I considered his sweet gestures and loving actions, cheesy. If you didn’t grow up in an affectionate and warm home, certain behaviors would appear to be clingy. This is something I grew to appreciate over many, many years. However, I digress.
Below is one of my favorite pics of all time. This was in 2014 on Cape Cod for our first getaway as a couple.
I was not ready to “settle down” with him or really anyone. I was a serial dater, on every app known to man (eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Match.com…) you get the point. I was dating, a lot. I was learning what to look for in a man, what I wanted, what I didn’t…more than getting my feet wet, jumping all in to try on the relationship for size. Meanwhile, PJ was doing the same. However, every few months when either of our relationships didn’t work out we would find our way back to each other for more of the good times. He was always Mr. Fun! I knew that if I ever needed a buddy to hang or to come watch a movie, or a bite to eat, a trip to the mountains camping, a casino night…I could call on him. We had a beautiful dance in the friend zone a few times, while full on dating others. As I write this, I reminisce on the many great times we had and the many more to come.
As we got older our bond deepened and we learned to express our deepest fears, wants and needs. We learned about and met each other’s families…he was the last man to meet my father before his passing and was by my side as I planned his funeral and was my shoulder to cry on during it all. He never left me alone when I needed him. I didn’t know what gem of a man I had for many, many years until recently. Eventually I entered into much more serious relationships with others, yet never felt as loved by anyone as I did by him. Suffice to say, they never worked out because in many ways these people weren’t for me. Everyone but me saw, that this man and his love was for me. My best friend Danielle literally almost stopped talking to me because of the hoops PJ was jumping through proclaiming “don’t you see how much this man loves you Emerald, no one is perfect!”. I was a perfectionist for years, always seeking more and better not realizing I had so much work to do. Who was I to judge his issues when I had my own?
He never gave up on me and I never gave up on him. Back to the precognition. For years I would sense he would call me, and he did. I would imagine he would say something, and he did. To take a lesson out of his romance novel, it was always meant to be even though we weren’t always ready, and fate would have it he would show up at the right time, every time to further solidify that belief. The last time we truly gave it a shot after my son was born and I saw how amazing he fit into our lives, it was disrupted. When the universe brought us back together and he texted me out of the blue literally minutes after my son’s father left again after being given another chance, I knew this was the time to listen and the time to accept what all of this was meant to do. I could never explain the connection we share in a way it could make sense for someone that might want a cerebral more logical, explanation. True love isn’t something I can ever say I experienced despite my many failed relationships, until him.
My fiancé has brought out things in me that a man should. He has brought provision, protection, stability and reliability to my once chaotic world. He’s a “here’s the last bite” kind of man. We have shared many highs and many lows but through them all we have had mutual respect that has grown over time and much love that was strengthened through the breaking down of our individual selves to make room for each other. We could never have worked in the past because I could never have appreciated him without the wisdom every single situation I have been through, has granted me. I could never see him, truly see him, the way a person who has seen and experienced love could, until I knew utter pain and despair, phony love and lies. I could never appreciate the good that he brings to my life, without the bad I have gone through. He will admit, he had some growing to do too.
We found our way back to each other and when he asked me to Marry Him, I said Yes!
